Pope’s Address to Syrians in Lebanon: “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things!”
Beirut, Lebanon––Speaking to tens of thousands of Middle Easterners in Lebanon this Sunday, Pope Benedict XVI expressed sadness at the latest violence in the region. Speaking directly to the Syrians...
View ArticleObama Invited To Say Mass At Notre Dame
Southbend, IN––Three years after Notre Dame invited Barack Obama to deliver the commencement speech to its graduating class, the university has now reportedly invited him to say Mass at the Basilica of...
View ArticleAudience Of Undecideds Patiently Await Good Zinger To Decide Their Vote
After patiently enduring a 90-minute presidential debate last night, undecided voters at Hofstra University in Long Island were left wanting after lackluster zinger performances by both presidential...
View ArticleCatholic Democrat Makes Holy Hour Before The Real Presence Of Obama
Ardent Catholic Democrat Gordon Frey arrived at the Church of the Sacred Heart of Obama for his scheduled Holy Hour earlier monday morning. 56-year-old Frey appeared in good spirits as he entered the...
View ArticleAtheists Sue To Remove Letters “G”, “O”, And “D” From Alphabet
Berkley, CA––The civil liberties organization American Atheists has sued the U.S. government to remove the letters “G,” “O,” and “D” from the English alphabet, arguing that the letters “often come...
View ArticleAs Israel And Palestine Brace For War, Vatican Set To March On Jerusalem
TEL AVIV––After days of Israeli bombings in and around Gaza, Hamas has retaliated with a rocket that killed three just north of the Gaza Strip, bringing the death toll up to 19. As the conflict in the...
View ArticleChristian Groups Protest to “Keep the Christ in X-Men”
Shelby, MI–Decrying the recent secularization of the comic book industry, Christian groups across the nation are joining forces to defend traditional values in the “War on X-Men.” “First the God-given...
View ArticleArea Catholic Offended by the Phrase “Merry Christmas”
New York, NY––Local Catholic and Liturgical stickler Gerry Brownstone was offended earlier today when leaving his local Food-Mart, after the greeter wished him a “Merry Christmas.” “Who does that guy...
View ArticleItalian Doctor Prescribes Israel, Palestine High Dose Of Chill Pill
ROME––At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Rome’s foremost family counselor Dr. Umberto Navarro announced today that he has sat down with Israel and Palestine to try to encourage the volitile couple to...
View ArticleScalia Beheaded For Wearing Thomas More Hat To Inauguration
Washington, DC––Just one day after he was seen wearing a replica of the cap made famous by 16th century martyr Thomas More, thousands of onlookers today witnessed the beheading of Justice Anton Scalia...
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